Paid bonus: Meltdowns
Bonus content and a behind-the-scenes look at the podcast episodes on meltdowns
This is a bonus article for paid subscribers. A small portion of this is available for free, please become a paid subscriber to read it all!
Dear paid subscribers,
Thank you so much for your support. Some of you are new here; some of you have now entered a second year of partnering with me. I am deeply thankful to God for each of you, what a blessing you are, thank you for helping me carve out time to work hard in this area.
Recently Dave Whittingham and I recorded the hardest episodes we’ve done so far on our podcast, Neurodivergence, Family & Faith. The episodes are Meltdowns Part 1 and 2 (called Episode 14 and 15, found here). Today I want to take you behind the scenes and share what shaped them and share some bonus content.
I put off recording these for quite a while, even though people kept asking me questions relating to meltdowns. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk about them, but because for many families it’s a highly emotional, confusing and stressful topic so we had to do it carefully, and that takes a lot of preparation.
We didn’t want to reduce meltdowns to a simple description, or a simple checklist of “what to do”. We wanted three things to sit together:
the wisdom of the Bible
the lived experience of neurodivergent Christians and their families
what’s going on in the brain
That combination takes time, care, and thorough research.
Listening before speaking
The most significant part of the research component was my own qualitative research with Christians who experience meltdowns: What does it feel like for you? What happens in your body? What do you wish people understood? What do you need before/during/after meltdowns. I’ve also loved hearing from families about their experiences.
I’m very thankful to all who chose to open up to me about meltdowns, even though it can be a very hard topic to discuss. For me, their insights, descriptions, and reflections really bring home the reality of meltdowns, they give human depth to what neuroscience is telling us about the brain under intense stress.
Common questions about meltdowns
I’ve found that many Christian neurodivergent people and their families want to discuss meltdowns, and their interest often involves these main points:
· What does the Bible say about the interplay between a body that’s out of control and responsibility for actions?
· How can parents best show the love of Christ when their child is having a meltdown?
· What is actually going on inside the person having a meltdown?
· How can parents find good Christian support when meltdowns are sometimes misunderstood as the result of parenting?
· What is a parent’s responsibility when it comes to reducing triggers and pressure that causes meltdowns? What if accommodations require sacrifice?
· What if a child’s meltdown triggers a parent’s meltdown?
Like I said, this is a huge topic!
What are meltdowns?
Unfortunately, “meltdown” is often used interchangeably with the word “tantrum”, even though they are not the same.[1] This can mean families and communities sometimes approach them as merely discipline issues, without understanding the full range of factors playing into the buildup, the release, and the aftermath.
Meltdowns are different to tantrums, which are emotional responses within a person’s control, often stemming from disappointment or frustration. A meltdown is the result of an intense build-up of stress, sometimes building over days or even weeks, and once it starts, the pressure release is often impossible to control.[2] [3]
The pressure release can be outward in an explosion, perhaps physically or verbally destructive, aimed at an object or a person. Or it may be an inward release as an implosion, which may be a deep despair, perhaps speaking destructively of themselves or turning to self-harm.[4] Recognising both types (and the many expressions of these types) is very important to help individuals and their families or carers properly interpret what’s going on.
