Do you mask? Does your child mask? Has a person at church requested supports, but some feel they’re exaggerating the need? Does your neurodivergent friend seem to operate just like everyone else?
Great piece Kate, thank you for talking about this! It's really helpful hearing how other people describe their experiences of masking. I struggle to articulate how I feel about it. Having only been diagnosed autistic in recent years, I've masked all my life without knowing I'm doing it (recognising I wanted to fit in and 'camouflage', yes, but not knowing why that didn't come naturally in the first place).
There's so much nuance to this conversation, because I personally don't think that simply 'not masking'—and not teaching neurodivergent kids social norms and expectations, such as greetings or turn-taking in conversation— is the solution, either. Neurodivergent or not, almost all of us will have encountered situations where we follow a social convention or hide a part of ourselves in order to blend in or not make others uncomfortable, and I don't believe that's inherently a bad thing.
For example, some more outward stimming behaviours of mine such as flapping my hands help me self-regulate, but I choose to mask those traits when I'm in public—at my own expense—because I don't want to make others uncomfortable or draw attention to myself. I know that many autistic people can't choose whether to mask their stimming or not, but that's a personal choice for me.
Likewise, I see my mask as a useful tool when interacting in the community, and I recognise I'm privileged to have been taught the skills I need to mask where appropriate; it means I've made it through job interviews and other opportunities where I might have been overlooked had I not known how to mask. My mum is a speech pathologist, and although I didn't grow up knowing I was autistic, she worked tirelessly with me to make sure I could learn the neurotypical traits that didn't come naturally to me so I could still engage with my peers and live a relatively independent life one day.
Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I completely agree with what you say. It’s complex. One of the recent studies I refer to (Hull, 2019) compares autistic masking to neurotypical masking (because we ALL mask sometimes, it can serve important functions) and found the purpose and outcomes can differ. When a person feels their own self is not acceptable or they feel forced to put on something that isn’t at all them, that’s especially when the masking is so biting. Attwood talks about this too, saying that sometimes people will become a person completely unlike who they want to be because they feel no one would like who they are underneath.
I think it’s helpful to be aware of masking and to keep thinking through the benefits and risks and to be conscious of the purpose and type of masking. It would be great if we can all foster neuro-positive environments, so those around us might feel free to relax a bit at times. It would be great if every neurodivergent person had people they could relax around. Parents have a special role, they mustn’t force their children not to mask - it certainly has its functions, we all mask sometimes - but to support their children in a neuro-positive way as they navigate the world.
I think the key is what I say at the end - our relaxed self and our masked self need to be modelled on Jesus.
I really appreciate your reflections and your insights. Is there advice you’d like to share with parents as they think all this through?
Masking comes from intense self hatred that neurodiverse are taught from the neurotypicals when their behaviour and symptoms are always described as wrong - i.e. when they are told off in class, taught social skills, or even when the DSM describes social deficits (please note double empathy problem). It has terrible hidden consequences - meltdowns, insomnia, low immune system, hypersensitivity, and the inability to even do basic tasks like eating.
Hi Hannah, thank you for your comment and your insight.
Yeah, it's so important that neurodivergent people are not seen as disordered. Many of the more recent studies on masking really emphasise the importance of changing these incorrect interpretations that society has historically adopted. For example, Pearson et al. (ref above) say, "masking is an unsurprising response to the deficit narrative and accompanying stigma that has developed around autism" and they press for change. As you say, the negative view of neurodivergence can have very serious consequences.
I'd love your thoughts: What do you think is the way forward? How can Christians be making a difference in this area?
Kate, this information is so valuable. Thank you for researching this topic.
So helpfully written, thanks Kate!
Thank you 🙂
Great piece Kate, thank you for talking about this! It's really helpful hearing how other people describe their experiences of masking. I struggle to articulate how I feel about it. Having only been diagnosed autistic in recent years, I've masked all my life without knowing I'm doing it (recognising I wanted to fit in and 'camouflage', yes, but not knowing why that didn't come naturally in the first place).
There's so much nuance to this conversation, because I personally don't think that simply 'not masking'—and not teaching neurodivergent kids social norms and expectations, such as greetings or turn-taking in conversation— is the solution, either. Neurodivergent or not, almost all of us will have encountered situations where we follow a social convention or hide a part of ourselves in order to blend in or not make others uncomfortable, and I don't believe that's inherently a bad thing.
For example, some more outward stimming behaviours of mine such as flapping my hands help me self-regulate, but I choose to mask those traits when I'm in public—at my own expense—because I don't want to make others uncomfortable or draw attention to myself. I know that many autistic people can't choose whether to mask their stimming or not, but that's a personal choice for me.
Likewise, I see my mask as a useful tool when interacting in the community, and I recognise I'm privileged to have been taught the skills I need to mask where appropriate; it means I've made it through job interviews and other opportunities where I might have been overlooked had I not known how to mask. My mum is a speech pathologist, and although I didn't grow up knowing I was autistic, she worked tirelessly with me to make sure I could learn the neurotypical traits that didn't come naturally to me so I could still engage with my peers and live a relatively independent life one day.
Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I completely agree with what you say. It’s complex. One of the recent studies I refer to (Hull, 2019) compares autistic masking to neurotypical masking (because we ALL mask sometimes, it can serve important functions) and found the purpose and outcomes can differ. When a person feels their own self is not acceptable or they feel forced to put on something that isn’t at all them, that’s especially when the masking is so biting. Attwood talks about this too, saying that sometimes people will become a person completely unlike who they want to be because they feel no one would like who they are underneath.
I think it’s helpful to be aware of masking and to keep thinking through the benefits and risks and to be conscious of the purpose and type of masking. It would be great if we can all foster neuro-positive environments, so those around us might feel free to relax a bit at times. It would be great if every neurodivergent person had people they could relax around. Parents have a special role, they mustn’t force their children not to mask - it certainly has its functions, we all mask sometimes - but to support their children in a neuro-positive way as they navigate the world.
I think the key is what I say at the end - our relaxed self and our masked self need to be modelled on Jesus.
I really appreciate your reflections and your insights. Is there advice you’d like to share with parents as they think all this through?
Masking comes from intense self hatred that neurodiverse are taught from the neurotypicals when their behaviour and symptoms are always described as wrong - i.e. when they are told off in class, taught social skills, or even when the DSM describes social deficits (please note double empathy problem). It has terrible hidden consequences - meltdowns, insomnia, low immune system, hypersensitivity, and the inability to even do basic tasks like eating.
Hi Hannah, thank you for your comment and your insight.
Yeah, it's so important that neurodivergent people are not seen as disordered. Many of the more recent studies on masking really emphasise the importance of changing these incorrect interpretations that society has historically adopted. For example, Pearson et al. (ref above) say, "masking is an unsurprising response to the deficit narrative and accompanying stigma that has developed around autism" and they press for change. As you say, the negative view of neurodivergence can have very serious consequences.
I'd love your thoughts: What do you think is the way forward? How can Christians be making a difference in this area?