Part 4. True Comfort for Neurodivergent Families
True comfort is not found in a perfect home but in the promises of God.
Hi lovely readers, I recently decided to turn on the paid subscription option for my Substack. My articles will remain free, but if you sign up, you’ll get a bonus subscriber-only post each month, plus you’ll be supporting my work. This month’s bonus is an in-depth look at emotional regulation at home. Thank you for considering supporting me!
This is part 4 of the Adapted Home Series. In this series of articles, we’re exploring ways to create a home environment that supports neurodivergent family members.
In Part 1 (found here), we explored how an adapted home can help build capacity to face stressors outside the home. Part 2 (found here) reminded us of an important biblical truth about our finitude and our dependable God. Part 3 (found here) gave a framework to help you and your child create a more supportive and rejuvenating environment for everyone in your family.
Finally, here in Part 4, we’ll acknowledge that even adapted homes will never be perfect and will never give the true comfort we need. This comfort comes only from God.
Pinterest comfort vs real comfort
Do you ever find yourself scrolling through Pinterest photos of homes? They look so appealing: whitewashed walls, oak shelves, cascading plants, sumptuous couches. It's easy to imagine how comfortable it would feel to live in them. Yet, we know it's all an illusion. Even perfect homes don't deliver a perfect life.
Every adult knows that life is tough. Many of our neurodivergent children know this too. It’s common for them to face pain and difficulty even in situations that others find easy. It can be heart-breaking.
The real world isn’t Pinterest-worthy.
While the world offers photogenic fake comfort, Christians find real, lasting comfort elsewhere.
Real comfort that comes from God
Do you know how loved you are? Have you discovered that God loves you and wants to lavish his gifts on you? You are precious to him and the comfort that comes from knowing this is immeasurable.
In Ephesians, Paul’s joy is unmistakable as he shares the incredible comfort found in God’s love and mercy. He can hardly contain his excitement as he weaves together one glorious truth after another, describing the depth of God’s love, the comfort we have in Christ, and how this transforms every part of our lives.
In Ephesians 1:4-5, Paul makes it clear that God loved us before we were born—before the world was even created! We hadn’t lifted a finger to earn that love, it was “according to his pleasure and will” (v 5). What comfort!
In Ephesians 2:1-3, Paul says that our hearts were turned against God; we wanted to be our own rulers. All who oppose God deserve the punishment of death and eternal separation from God. Paul says that we can’t save ourselves from that punishment, calling us “dead in our transgressions”. Yet even then, God loved us. Paul writes,
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians 2:4-5)
We are saved by God’s great love, not because of anything we have ever done or could ever do. We don’t have to work harder, achieve more, be stronger, be smarter, be anything more. Salvation isn’t something we earn, we are saved by grace. What comfort!
The comfort given by God is rich and deep and the list of his gifts to us could go on and on. Paul details so many blessings throughout Ephesians. We are:
Chosen (1:4-5, 11)
Saved (1:7, 2:5, 8)
Given his Spirit (1:13-14, 2:22)
Adopted as children (1:5)
Heirs of Christ’s glorious inheritance (1:18-23)
Created in Christ for good works (2:10)
Included in his promises of peace (2:11-22, 3:6)
Able to approach God in freedom with confidence (2:18, 3:12)
Called to walk as loved, saved, adopted children of the Creator (4:1ff), living and speaking the gospel in the strength of the Spirit (6:10-20).
Paul proclaims the gospel's astounding, immeasurable comfort and then bursts into prayer:
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
(Ephesians 3:16-21)
Paul’s prayer doesn’t involve the puffy cushions of Pinterest photos, he wants much better things for his readers. Have another look—what does he pray for the Ephesians?
Real comfort for our children
We might witness our child suffering greatly in ways that seem too burdensome for someone so young. There can be so much grief in this. What is our greatest hope for them?
Rebecca*, mother of three, including two neurodivergent children, tells me,
More than anything, my hope for all my children (whether neurodivergent or neurotypical) is that they will know that they are deeply loved by us but most importantly by their Heavenly Father. I want their identity to be first and foremost in Christ. As a loved, saved, redeemed person who God chose and created.
Rebecca has understood the words in Ephesians. The world worships comfort and often seeks it in fleeting, earthly things. When these things fail, people can be left with a deep despair. Yet Christians have lasting comfort by looking to God, who loves us. We want the best for our children, and God has already lavished upon them more than they could ever find for themselves and more than we could ever win for them.
Living in comfort
If we work with our children to create an adapted home (see articles 1-3 in this series), we may ease tension and stress, helping them to recover strength and prepare for the challenges ahead. It’s a worth-while endeavour but it won’t eradicate all difficulty. We will need to still pour in time, energy, and patience, and we’ll need to adjust and change as needs and seasons change. And the world beyond our home will always bring certain challenges, sadness, and suffering.
Rebecca (quoted above) understands this well. She describes how she copes:
There is a line from a Christian song that I have on a Post-It note on the kitchen window: ‘Not for ease shall we pray; But for strength that we may walk with You this day.’
Rebecca’s hope isn’t for ease, but for strength to walk with the God who gives true comfort.
Our families work together to put our trust in God’s love and the future he has secured for us, working together to bring him glory.
Our homes will never be perfect, but they can be built around the perfect love of our God.
*Names have been changed