Part 1. Creating an adapted home

Over the next four articles, we’ll explore adjustments we can make at home in support of our neurodivergent family members. We can adapt the sensory environment, expectations, routines, communication styles, transitions, and more. This is a big topic, so I’m dedicating four articles to it.

Part 1 will address a common concern about making the home an adapted environment: ‘Will adjustments in the home make children less resilient outside the home?’

In Part 2 we’ll turn to the Bible to remind ourselves of the wonderful truths around the fact that we all have limitations, that no human has endless capacity. Read it here.

Part 3 will be very practical, it will guide you as you assess your home and work out with your family members which adjustments could create a more rejuvenating, supportive environment for them. Read it here.

In Part 4 we’ll consider the comfort we all deeply need: true comfort from God. Read it here.

Photo by James Lee on Unsplash

Part 1 - The benefits of an adapted home

Parents of neurodivergent children will often be very conscious of the difficulties their children face. There can be many things in life that bring them pain, discomfort, anxiety, fear, and confusion.

When our children are at home, we have more control over many (though never all) aspects of their surroundings, so should we adjust our homes according to their needs? A common concern for families considering this is:

‘What if our home becomes so comfortable that our child experiences even more pain outside in the world? Will adjustments in the home make a child less resilient outside the home?’

Thankfully, we don’t have to guess the answer to this question. Research consistently shows that an adapted home is very beneficial to many neurodivergent people as it can increase their capacity to face the next challenges to come their way. This is clearest in a few key areas.

1. Anxiety and capacity

Evidence shows that neurodivergent children are much more likely to experience high levels of anxiety than the general population.^[1] An adapted home should be a place where anxiety can be actively reduced, or at least not continue to mount.

It’s important to work to reduce anxiety because it can significantly impact a child’s well-being in several ways:

o High anxiety lowers capacity to face stress. For many of these children, anxiety is triggered by their surroundings—whether by sensory input, social environments, social expectations, routines, transitions, or other stressors.^[2] A vicious cycle can begin, where these stressors feed anxiety, which in turn makes the child more sensitive to the stressors, which further feeds the anxiety, and so on.^[3] The world will always present anxiety triggers, and we aren’t working to hermit our children away from the world, but to give them a break in the cycle while at home.

An adapted home allows the child’s anxiety levels to lower, which will then decrease their sensitivity to stressors.

o Anxiety disrupts sleep. Studies are clear that anxiety can impact a child’s quality of sleep, which in turn can make them experience heightened anxiety. ^[4] Again, there can be a vicious cycle here, anxiety can breed poor sleep, which feeds the anxiety.

An adapted home allows the anxiety levels to lower, the child may sleep better, which may mean that they can cope better the next time they’re out of the home.

o High anxiety can reduce self-care skills. When a child feels overwhelmed, they may struggle to recognise their own needs or use strategies to manage their anxiety. For example, although they may have a Sensory Kit to lower anxiety (see my article here), if their anxiety is too high, they may not be able to use it. They may also struggle to recognise their body’s cues, such as hunger or the need to use the bathroom, and the stress on their body can feed the anxiety.

An adapted home allows them to practice recognising and responding well to their body’s needs.

o High anxiety can be a danger for mental and physical health. If high anxiety is ignored, it can impact mental health in the short and long term, and also impact physical well-being, increasing the occurrence and duration of sickness

An adapted home gives the body a break to reduce the likelihood or severity of ongoing difficulties.

Reducing anxiety at home won’t eradicate difficulties, but it will help. It doesn’t make a person weaker; it strengthens them to handle challenges elsewhere.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

2. Emotional awareness and communication of needs

An adapted home is a place where children can unmask their needs, traits, and emotions (see my article on masking here). Home should be a safe place for them to grow in ability and confidence, where possible, to name and respond to their emotions, which is an important part of coping in the world. This makes them stronger, not weaker.

When we teach our children to recognise their needs and to ask for help in a communication style that works for them, we’re teaching them to understand the type of feelings they’re having, some of the possible triggers to that feeling, what calm-down techniques they might like to try, and what environmental adjustments they may need.

For example, with support from parents, home may be a place where children can learn:

• How to identify what their body is telling them (e.g., ‘I feel overwhelmed’)

• What might be triggering that feeling (e.g., ‘The noise in this room is too much for me’)

• How to communicate their needs (e.g., ‘Could we please pause the music for a while?’ or ‘I need a quiet space’, using spoken words, a visual cue, or other communication tools)

• What practical steps they could take to self-regulate after experiencing the trigger (e.g., using a sensory tool, or taking a break from the space)

As we teach emotional awareness, we aren’t validating every reaction to emotions—for example, it’s not ok to push another child, even if you’re feeling crowded. As a child learns to understanding their triggers, traits, and needs, they can learn how to better approach situations of high emotions—we can teach them to recognise that sensation of feeling crowded and help them to find an effective way to request more personal space and to recover from the trigger.

When a home fosters emotional awareness and open communication, children can grow in confidence. It can help them communicate their needs and also to better understand the needs of others.*

3. Renewed energy

If children are constantly overwhelmed at home, they won’t have as much capacity to practice new skills or handle outside challenges. A supportive home environment ensures they aren’t running on empty. I go in depth on this topic in my article on energy here.

Adapting the home so our children can replenish their energy reserves is an important aspect of caring for our neurodivergent loved ones.

It's worth the work!

An adapted home isn’t about making life unrealistically easy for our children, it’s about collaboratively working with them to respond to their unique needs in a way that makes life more manageable.

An adapted home isn’t a bubble to protect our children from all the challenges of life. It’s a training ground where children develop self-awareness and coping strategies in a supportive environment. It’s not a ticket to laziness, it’s a prescription to work to actively rest well and to increase capacity for managing stressors.

Our homes will never be perfect (until we’re in heaven!) and even if they were wonderfully set up, our children will still experience difficulty in the world. As parents, we are in charge of what we choose to do, but we are not in control of the impact it has on our children. We can faithfully love them, prayerfully adapt our homes, and prayerfully trust God with the rest.

In the next article:

Coming to terms with our own or our children's limited capacity can be difficult. What does the Bible teach us about limitations and being human? Read Part 2 here

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I have recently chosen to offer a paid subscription option on my Substack. You can support me for less than two coffees a month. None of my twice-monthly articles will be hidden behind a paywall, they will remain free for all, but if you choose to upgrade to paid, you’ll be supporting me as I work to encourage and equip Christian families with neurodivergent members, and you’ll receive a monthly bonus. More details here. Thank you for considering it!

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FOOTNOTES

^[1] T Attwood, The Impact of Anxiety on Daily Life, https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/blogs/news/autism-the-impact-of-anxiety-on-daily-life

SEE ALSO: RA Vasa, A Keefer, RG McDonald, MC Hunsche, CM Kerns (2020), ‘A Scoping Review of Anxiety in Young Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder’, Autism Research, 13:2038-2057

SEE ALSO: Citkowska-A Kisielewska, K Rutkowski, JA Sobański, E Dembińska, M Mielimąka (2019) ‘Anxiety symptoms in obsessive-compulsive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder’, Psychiatria Polska. 53(4):845-864. doi:10.12740/PP/105378.

^[2] Attwood, T. and Garnett, M. (2023). Autistic Girls and Women, Webcast event: Attwood and Garnett Events. Accessed August 2023: attwoodandgarnettevents.com

^[3] T Attwood, The Impact of Anxiety on Daily Life, https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/blogs/news/autism-the-impact-of-anxiety-on-daily-life

^[4] SL Chellappa, D Aeschbach (2022) ‘Sleep and anxiety: From mechanisms to interventions,’ Sleep Medicine Reviews, 61:101583

*Every child is different, children will develop in different ways. Some children are not expected to develop in these areas and so the journey might look quite different for them. We can faithfully care for them and entrust them to the Father, just as we must do with every child.